Monthly Archives: August 2014

Office fun

So, Regina is off for the weekend (And not above rubbing all of our faces in it) and she left a “to do” note on her desk. I took the liberty of adding two things to her “to do” list… Wondering if she will notice..


I forgot all about it. Hours later Mrs G says to me.. “Did you see that to do list on Regina’s desk?” Giggling I said “yes..” She said… “Here’s what I don’t understand.. Why is she concerned about OT when she’s not even going to be HERE??? That makes no sense to me Penelope”. So I said… “You didn’t think it was funny that written on her to do list is also refill PX And itch relief???” She says to me (totally straight faced) “no, why would that be weird??”

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ΉπŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜œ. God help me. Please.


Protecting the young ins (aka I didn’t know you were from the south Mrs G) πŸ†

I dreaded going in today. Crystal distributed the manager schedules for the month of September. I knew today was the day and I knew that Mrs George would obsess over it! She ALWAYS Studies it like it holds the key to the universe or the answer to where the ark of the covenant really is. It DRIVES ME INSANE! Then she will comment randomly about her own schedule and what someone else has or what she wanted and it makes no sense to me. Seems a waste of time…

For about 65 straight minutes (Even through private time, smoke time and Starbucks time.. Because she FOLLOWED ME) I had to listen to her BITCH about the schedule. Regina has a three day weekend AND a Saturday off!!! That’s UNFAIR! Hannah is only scheduled ONE night instead of two! Oh DEAR SWEET JESUS SHUT UP PLEASE! One day, I will lose it… Today was not that day…

I did manage to lose her on the 66th minute only because I was called to a customer issue in Lauder and we all know how Mrs G does NOT handle client issues!! So, I get back to the office and Mrs G has the schedule spread out in front of her and she’s on the phone and I hear her say.. (Right hand to GOD) “lily, this is one Fucked up SCHEDULE!!! (Lily is the shoe manager at a sister store.. NOT EVEN OUR STORE) I’ve never seen such a jacked up schedule!! What the fuck is up with that??? JESUS!! Tell me why Regina has a three day weekend IN ADDITION to another SATURDAY OFF!! What is THAT about???” (Silence while Lily speaks) followed with.. “Uh huh.. Yep.. Protecting the young ins. Yep! Giving the young ins exactly what they want and screwing us old ladies! JESUS!!!!”




Tuesday.. I’m working late, Mrs George is scheduled “off”. GUESS WHAT?? She’s WORKING!! πŸ˜ΉπŸ˜πŸ‘πŸ‘ (of course she is..) granted.. She’s in denim.. BUT.. She’s on her floor working.. Until I walk by… Then she practically throws in the towel (and Windex) and follows me to the office…. Her face lighting up with joy at the sight of me!! (And by that I mean, her frown seemed to lift a little) she follows me to the office and says.. “WHAT THE FUCK PENELOPE??” (I’m thinking it could
Be a million things she’s thinking of.. Who knows??) so I exercised my right to remain silent, which was a good idea, because she went off πŸ‡πŸ‡
“Why the FUCK? WHY THE FUCK do customers approach me on the floor when I’m in jeans and want HELP! I’m in JEANS!! I’m HERE ON MY DAY OFF!! I don’t want to help you!!” (Biting my tongue I soooo wanted to say… ‘Regardless of your attire or work status you NEVER want to help’ but I didn’t).

“And speaking of outfits.. Have you SEEEN what Regina’s wearing?! She looks like a hoe bag, really. She does. One day, beauty is gonna fade away and she too will be old like us. I mean me.”

This was my turn to give her the look 😾😼

“OLD LIKE US??!! I am glad you rephrased that!!! IM 38!! YOU HAVE 20 years on me!! I know I’m an old soul Mrs G but PLEASE!! She’s closer to my age than she is to yours!!” (Oh great, now I’ve resorted to fighting with her about MY VS HER age!!! UGGGG) πŸ† to me.

She said.. “I’m sorry! I meant ME PENELOPE! I just said us! It slipped! Anyway.. You know it’s true… She too will get old one day. And incidentally I just wanna hide in here because I don’t feel like helping anyone out there.” πŸ†

Lord help me.



If I had a dime every time I hear Mrs George say ‘I have a headache’ I could have retired to Boca Raton last year.

However, if I had a dime every time she says.. “I have a headache and it’s because of Crystal” in the last 4 weeks alone, not only would I be able to retire to Boca Raton, I’d be able to purchase a large mansion. In cash.

This particular day started as “normal” (normally I hate hate hate the use of the term “normal” I mean what IS “normal” anyway… But really.. This is our new “normal” so ill use it) with my walking into the office to see Mrs G with her head in her hands. This pose is always reminiscent of my Nanny!! (God rest her soul.. She always put her head in her hands to pray). I at first thought maybe Mrs G is praying.. Stranger things have happened in that office (πŸ˜‹πŸ˜) so I would allow her time and try to be very quiet when entering the room. However… It was the second morning I found her this way when she said (head still in hands) “I have a fucking headache and it’s all her fucking fault! Damn Crystal! What the fuck?” ALRIGHTY THEN.. Safe to say.. Not praying. What does one say to that?? So I offered excedrin migraine and she says.. “At this hour?? With nothing in my stomach?? I think not!” (With the added ‘you dumb ass’ silent but understood by her tone). So I said.. “Fine.. Suffer alone…. You could have a damn protein bar that’s in your drawer and be fine!!! “.

Her response??? “No, thank you. I’ll suffer. (Martyr) and really.. It’s HER fault I’m feeling this way.. And no Penelope.. Please don’t offer me a hug.. You know I don’t like them and that won’t help!”

JESUS lord this woman is a PAIN IN MY ASS!!!

So, I said.. “Fine! Be that way! See if I care! Hugs release endorphins which will help relieve pain and stress.”

😾😼😾😼 is the look I get and she says… “Id rather just suffer than be touched right now” and she walked out of the room! Gone!!

I said.. To an empty room.. “I wonder if that’s what she said on her honeymoon??”


Stop the presses!!!

I love irate customers. Especially when they are irate for no good reason. IE… Tonight’s issue… A BCBG customer was irate because the associate asked her to leave her choices on hold while she traveled the store. It’s an LP issue and one that is prevalent in our store. The customer became so irate I had to be called in to “soothe” her sensibilities. I approach the client with my hand out to shake hers and she refused and then said.. “Ugggg I am going to call the media about this!! I’m OFFENDED!! I’m a WHITE MIDDLE AGED WOMAN WHO IS OFFENDED!!” (What the EFFFFFF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??). I just stood there and apologized for offending her with policy and she threw the clothes at me and then stomped off.. Again saying “I will call the media!!!” Go right ahead friend…. I’m sure the media will give a shit that you were asked to hold your merchandise!! 😁 LOVE IT!!!!