Monthly Archives: December 2014

Nuts hanging from a Christmas tree

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I found these nuts hiding in a drawer. That’s a lot of nuts on a tree

~P

Another dime…

So, I’m in my office today.. I get up and leave to go to Starbucks for hot tea and when I come back to the office.. On the floor… Bright and shiny and waiting for me right next to my chair..

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Thanks Papa.. Another dime to add to my Papa collection!

~P

Me Today!!! (AKA I have to EXPLAIN what a 2 weeks notice is)

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I was the QUEEN of manners today!!! 😹😂 I was off today but had to go in and take care of some stock issues before inventory.. My plan (which was FOILED) was to sneak in to my office …Input all of my mark out of stocks and sneak back out. 2 hours, in and out, max… Yeah. Not so much.

So, I walk in and experience 4.3 seconds of complete and utter silence and alone time. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m fine on my own, my own company is perfectly fine with me and I think better in silence. Well, who should come Kramering into the office but Mrs G???!!! REALLY!?!!! REALLY??! And it begins….

She leads with her hand and sticks her hand right in my face and says.. “LOOK AT THIS!! LOOOK!! LOOK!!!” (My vision is so blurred from having an object thrust into my face I can’t tell what I’m looking at). She says.. “It’s a HIVE! It’s one HUGE hive! I’m so stressed out I can’t take it anymore. Really. I almost left earlier. I just wanted to leave. To just go. And get out of here and then text Mike that this is my 2 weeks notice. I’m done.”

Huh???! Does she KNOW what a 2 weeks notice IS?! That is NOT walking out of the job! Hmmmmm

As I’m opening my mouth to find out what event precipitated her (almost) premeditated job abandonment, she says “WHATEVER! I’ve got to go! I can’t do this” and she walks right out the door. Mrs Georging me all in one breath.

Mrs G: 6095
Me: 5

It’s been a long year.

~P

Pliner event déjà vu ðŸ†ðŸ†

And… We’re back.. At panic mode, Mach 8, 911, the next level… Whatever you wanna call it, but, like Linda Blair I’m waiting for Mrs G’s head to spin around and the walls of the office to be covered in pea soup.

Mrs G is preparing for the biggest sale day of the year. Literally. New Year’s Day is our biggest single sale day ever and in shoes it’s the biggest period. And it keeps growing. Which means Mrs G’s anxiety continues to grow!!! Minute by minute by minute. As someone very wise suggested to me that She needs everything laced with Xanax… Water, tea, coffee. 😂😂😹. (I’m working on this for this week).

Today was the most PhEmmy riddled day so far.. And Mrs G was off work!! 😂😂😹👏👍. But, of course she came in to work… And evidently her Penelope tracker app was on full force… Because I wasn’t on my floor but 3 minutes and she finds me!! I swear the woman is a vampire!! She appeared out of NOWHERE…. And was SOUNDLESS. Scared the shit out of me. I’m at Origins, tucked in a corner of the store and NO ONE knew I was there.. Yet… Here comes Mrs G… She Walks up right beside me… Looks me in the eye and says.. (No, not hello! How are you?):

“I can’t take this floor anymore. This is too big. It’s too much. I can’t do this all alone. I wish they would fire me. Just fire me. Get it over with. You know the only reason I work here is for the health insurance Penelope… I’m doing this ALL ALONE!!! I CAN’T! This is TOO MUCH!!”

I let her go off… (Arm flapping likes she’s an honorary Italian) and not even taking a breath.. She continues.. “Seriously Penelope!!! I’m doing this all alone!! Ridiculous!!”

I let her stop… And said to her.. “But Mrs G… You just hired 12 temporary workers… It’s like you have a baseball team working for you!! You’ve got this!!”

Stunned, she stared at me.. “Yeah, 12 temporary workers who don’t give a shit! I’d do it better myself. I’d rather have 12 of ME!!!”

ACKKKKKK!! 12 Mrs G’s???!!!!!! NO WAY! My own personal HELL!!! 😂😂😹 YIKES!!!

Mortified, I stared at her and said “I could NEVER Deal with 12 of you. God help the world!!!” And I Mrs George’d her!!!! I Walked away!! Now, there was no door to slam, but I walked away… Thinking oh LORD NO!!

I’ll probably have nightmares tonight!!

~P

Unacceptable usage of the overhead paging system ðŸ†

Mrs G has a lot of “pet peeves”. (Well, for ANYONE ELSE they would be pet peeves but for Mrs G they are ENRAGING items that provide extreme fits of RAGE). Let’s examine today’s “incident” with the overhead paging system.

There’s NOTHING I love better than Mrs G in a TITHER.. Especially at closing time when she’s feeling overwhelmed and crabby and realizes that she’s spent 99% of her day fooling around gossiping and bitching in her office. And tonight was no different…
I see her feverishly running around her shoe floor picking up and sighing and complaining that she has so much to do and people are pigs .. Blah blah blah..

When Joey Fatone gets on the intercom system to make an announcement about the registers and he starts with his typical tone that makes him sound like he’s at Disneyland and asking you to keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times. It annoys me, yes, but apparently it’s not only ANNOYING to Mrs G, but it’s also UNACCEPTABLE, UNPROFESSIONAL AND DISGUSTING! (Apparently she didn’t have another UN word). As SOON as Joey started the announcement Mrs G stops what she’s doing .. Walks over to me, assumes the position and says.. “OH MY GOD PENELOPE! Listen to him!! This is UNACCEPTABLE… UNPROFESSIONAL AND DISGUSTING!! Why oh why does he have to play around with the overhead paging system.. It’s NOT a toy! DAMNIT! He annoys the shit out of me! Why does he announce things like that?? You can’t understand what he’s saying… He sounds like he’s on Charlie Brown and playing the teacher! God, does he get on my nerves!! I can’t stand him and his shit! JESUS!!!” 🏆🏆 and she stomps away.. Leaving me looking at 12 associates who’ve stopped what THEY were doing to listen to her earning a PhEmmy!!

Happy new Year!!

~P