Monthly Archives: February 2015

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush..

What the hell does that mean??? No clue!!!! But it’s an old expression, yes???

Well, it’s the FIRST thing I thought of when I slid open the mall Doors this morning to open the store. And a big black bird flew in from the mall. There are a couple things about this that is weird. First, we ALWAYS get birds in the summertime and it FREAKS me out every single time. I hate birds. They scare me. I don’t know why. Maybe in a past life I was killed by one. Maybe in a past life i WAS one. Nonetheless, not a fan of birds. So, it was with a sinking heart that I slid open the doors to a big black bird flying right over my head. (Incidentally, I was always taught that a bird in the house is a harbinger of death. In much the same way as if you drop a knife, you’re going to get in a fight, and if you drop a fork that means company’s coming… Weird superstitions I know). Anyway, I decided to take that as a good omen rather than a bad and I said “we are going to have a great day!!” I shouldn’t have said that. Why did I put that out into the universe?? Why? My day deteriorated at an alarmingly rapid pace. It started with a woman I dealt with on Saturday who had a complaint about BCBG and wanted the district managers number. I researched it, called and gave it to her. She called back and wanted the regional managers number. Then, there were the 4 clients who never received their phone ordered packages via Fed Ex. They didn’t receive them because we never SENT them. I almost had a breakdown and wanted to scream at the shipping associate: “THERE IS NO FED EX FAIRY WHO WILL DO THIS FOR YOU!”! How do I explain to 4 people that we just didn’t send them out!? 8 days ago. Next lets talk about the 3 associate problems: 1 associate Swears the other needs anger management classes or she’s not going to stay and work. A different associate is crying because her co workers (all 30 years younger than she is ) went out for drinks and posted pictures (without her) on social media. Crying. Really. One associate is angry with his roommate and fears they will be evicted. Oh and in the middle of all of this.. We DO manage to sell a LITTLE makeup.

I ended my day with an irate man who couldn’t find or remember WHEN or WHERE he dropped off his suit jacket to be sent for alterations and berated me for not doing the alterations in store. (Look mister.. I don’t even OWN a sewing machine) and THEN… 20
Minutes AFTER the store Is closed.. A small family of 3 appears out of nowhere (mental note check bathrooms) and yell at ME because the entire mall closed at 6 and they had NO CLUE!! NO IDEA!!! and it’s MY fault!!! Of course it is. I looked at them and said “the mall called me. They asked what I thought and I said ‘close at 6 and don’t tell a soul!'” I shouldn’t have said that. Not very professional.

Ahhh, Sunday at the big D. You all know how I feel about THAT!! It’s like the black abyss of hell mixed with a full moon on Friday the 13th. The only thing that would have made today better were zombies and vampires!!! 😂😹. Ah, well, tomorrow IS another day.. And I do work with MRS G tomorrow!!! Woo HOO!!


Botox and My Laugh Lines

The Beauty Industry is my business; Makeup, skincare, the latest, greatest and most effective eye creams, face creams, serums… These are my bread and butter. We must know all the trends, what works and what doesn’t and sell these to women searching for the perfect balm for their skincare and makeup concerns. Some call us shallow. Some think we are stupid, and some (who work in the store) think that all we do is play with makeup all day!! Oh how fun!!! And it IS fun… But it’s a business. Some of the best and most successful women I know are beauty advisors.

We all know the “latest” trends include Botox and juviderm (DWG.. HUGE fan) and I KNEW it was going to be an interesting week when one of my BEST beauty advisors, Jason, came to me and said he was going to do an outsourcing event with a Doctor, at a hotel, with a group of women who were all promised free Botox and JUVIDERM injections!!! (I know, I know, it sounds like the plot of a bad porn movie) but I researched the event and let him go. Off he went, carrying his makeup train case, to step in and demo makeup looks to the “after” patients. The last thing he said to me is “maybe I’ll get a free injection or two!!” And I thought “dear sweet baby Jesus!! Please!! Don’t let him come back dead from a botched injection.” A mere 4 hours later I get a picture text from Jason (thank God He didn’t die) and he was so proud of his “new lips”. I have had experience with DWG’s injection days and I know that it takes 24 hours for the Botox to “settle” and that there is a certain amount of swelling to be expected. But, this. Well.

FF to the next day. I get to work and see Jason and from 50 paces I could tell that he was not only swollen, but that he could be very allergic due to the misshapen and crooked new shape of his lips! Is this a trend? Is it supposed to look like that??? What?? Uggg I hate it!! THEN!! THEN!!! I said “hello! How are you and how did it go?!” And as he opens his mouth to tell me.. He can’t talk. His lips are in the way. Not only does it look like the blimp landed on his lips.. It looks like he can’t communicate anything because he can’t get his lips to cooperate with his mouth. I can’t help it!! I start to lose control and laugh and laugh and laugh!! And he stomps his foot, put his hand on his hip and said.. “STOP IT!! I can’t LAUGH OR SMILE FOR 48 hours!! ENOUGH!!! Don’t make me laugh PENELOPE!!” (At least I THINK that’s what he said.. It was hard to hear through his lips).

And at that moment I remembered seeing the story in social media of the woman who didn’t smile or laugh for 40 years to avoid getting wrinkles and laugh lines. I read the article. I was HORRIFIED!!! I COULD NOT live like that!! How can you not laugh?? How can you not smile??! For 48 hours or 40 years… impossible!! The purpose of life is joy!!! I can’t imagine a day without laughter, a day without a smile…

It was at that moment, in my 38th year, that I decided to love my laugh lines, love my little crinkly wrinkles around my eyes and to see them as tiny reminders of every laugh, every memorable moment in my life. Fun times with my girlfriends, laughs shared with friends and family. Morning conversation coffee laughter… All of that. I now look at my face in a new light.. It’s a tiny road map of my journey in this life. I will celebrate those memories… And I will continue to laugh, to joke and to enjoy. With or without Botox.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

e e cummings


The NEW Regina George

That’s right dear readers!!! We have a NEW Regina George.. Her name for our purposes shall be Annie. She started last week and I’ve withheld judgement (shocking I know) until recently. She’s “unusual” shall we say???! She keeps calling me MRS GEORGE!!! We are EXACT OPPOSITES! God. Help. Me.