Author Archives: penelope

About penelope

Iā€™m a 42 year old, pre menopausal, recently single woman. Iā€™m navigating new territory here and I want to share my observations with the world.

My 3 Year Hiatus

I didn’t realize it’s been 3 years since my last post. I am no longer at the big d (must think of a new blog title). I’m now a manager at a Jewelry store.. (every kiss begins with me?). In three years I’ve lost one kidney, gained one ex husband (thank God), lost 2 aunts within 6 weeks of each other, I’ve moved 3 times, gained and lost an abusive boyfriend… and gained one amazing rescue puppy!!

I am, at the age of 41, truly finding out who I am as an individual, as a woman, and as a puppy mommy.

I’m nursing a broken heart, haunted by the dreams of what could have been.. of what I thought was, and wondering how I could have been duped by such a man. I’m finding my way in a new profession.. completely adrift in my knowledge but confident in my abilities. I’m struggling to find a happy medium between “I’ll never love again, it’s pointless” and “Let’s start dating now”. I need to heal and self sooth but be careful to not completely cut off the world.

So, I’m back in the blogging world, inspired by my amazing new neighbor. She has reached out and brought me into her fold, giving me a fresh perspective and a ray of hope.

I’m BAAAAACK!

The Winds of Change and Volcanic Mrs G šŸ†

The Big D is undergoing massive changes!!!
TT, our beloved MENS manager is being transferred to a sister location. She was told
On Tuesday, had the opportunity to think about it until Friday and then SATURDAY was her last day. I was off this weekend (however NOT immune to texts from Mrs G..). You see TT’s predecessor is going to yet another sister store as an Ops manager. And NOTHING gets Mrs G’s goat as much as someone else being promoted to OPS manager before her. Not Good! NOT GOOD AT ALL!! I’m going to have to buckle my seatbelt and prepare for the worst! She’s gonna blow.

She ALREADY hates the NEW MENS manager. He doesn’t start till tomorrow. Mrs G is NOT going to be his friend!!! She’s A BITTER BETTY!!!!! He’s coming to our store from a smaller store and his business was 900,000 dollars at the smaller store. At our store he’s running an 8 million dollar business. I kinda feel bad for him already.

On Friday, in the midst of two customer issues, one frighteningly bizarre associate question and my own ear splitting headache I turn to see Mrs G coming at me.. “Starbucks. Now.” I wasn’t sure if she meant that she wanted me to go work there with her now or she wanted a coffee. Nonetheless I followed her. At which point, she started… “What’s going on with this company??! This is Insane!! INSANE!! INSANE!! How could that piece of shit get promoted to our store?? He’s running not even a million dollar business! I bet you TEN BUCKS PENELOPE that he’s a PLANT!! Sent here from corporate!! OH. MY. GOD! PENELOPE!!! I’m NEXT!!!” I SWEAR she was going to hyperventilate. I kinda panicked. Not gonna lie. Her XANAX were back in our office and I didn’t want to have to hit her over the head to chill out. So I just waited it out!!! It was like watching a tornado form and being powerless to stop it. I looked at her and I noticed her face was beat red, her hands were shaking and she was THIS close to a meltdown. I didn’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to be touched and she doesn’t respond to a hug so I kept walking. She said, quietly, “tell me I’m not next”. By this time, we were in line at Starbucks. I said, “mrs G, you aren’t next. There are three people ahead of us in line.” She looked at me, gave me the LOOK šŸ˜¾ and said “I don’t ever find you amusing!”

Who was it who said, buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride???

~P

Thinking warm thoughts…..

It doesn’t work…. I’ve tried it.. I’ve tried picturing my toes in the sand… And that’s when it hit me… I’m going to get a pedicure.. So I battled 6 more inches of snow, unplowed roads and bitterly cold temps in order to feel warm towels on my tootsies and a new spring color on my nails!!!! Mission accomplished…
(Btw I HATE feet.. I do… But there’s something to be said for a pedicure on a Saturday away from the Big D)

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Blue matches Lil Blue!!! Now, I’m imagining flip flops and shorts weather as I’m curled up with my book and my hot cocoa!!!!

~P

A Tale Of Two Kidneys

Who KNEW it was this difficult to coordinate a kidney transplant??

So, bottom line is my uncle needs a kidney. I have two!!! Even though I was an ENGLISH major, I’m still liking those odds!!! THAT math works for me!! But, what DOESN’T work for me is the process!! The kidney coordinating process has not been easy!!!

First, he had one full day of testing, followed by 6 FULL, excruciating, anxiety ridden weeks waiting for word from the “board” if he was “accepted” as a receipt. (It’s like an exclusive club… Or college or something… I mean I was accepted into college with less wait and angst attached). We got the call WEDNESDAY night that yes, he’s been deemed a candidate!!! This means he goes on the list and anyone wishing to donate THEIR kidney to him calls a number to schedule testing. THURSDAY morning, I called the number. I spoke with a pleasant enough person who took my name, social, age, height and weight. (I asked if she wanted my drivers license weight or my real weight.. Turns out she wanted my real weight). She promptly told me a nurse would call
Me back. I waited. Phone in my hand. Walking on eggshells. 5 hours later, at 2pm, nothing. I couldn’t handle it. I called back. I was told that I should expect a call within 3 business days for my medical history and to schedule my blood and tissue test. But, that since I was already on the line she would take my medical history now. Thank GOD! Does NO ONE have a sense of urgency about this??? Leave it to an Italian nudge to move things along. I answered a litany of questions from.. Have you been exposed to hepatitis to have you been incarcerated in the last ten years?? (What about the 10 years before that???). I answered all questions and was told I could go for my blood and tissue test on Monday!!! Yay!!! MONDAY!! BUT, after that it takes 4 WEEKS to get the results!!!!! 4 WEEKS!! I watch NCIS!!! They get results in 45 minutes!!!! They’ve lied to me!!!! !!! šŸ˜¹šŸ˜‚

So, step one: in the works. Once those results come back… I have two FULL days of back to back tests!!! (These tests determine my health as a donor) then, after that, surgery. Hopefully, before the end of the year šŸ˜.

All kidding aside, the kidney donor nurses have been AMAZING and they’ve done a great job educating and helping me understand the process.

Here goes…. Fingers crossed I’m a match!!

I’m going to request a tummy tuck and a breast lift while surgery is happening!!! .. Who would KNOW?? I’m UNDER anyway…

P

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~P

New hires, mental math and more signs for Mrs G..

I’ve hired a few new people … Mostly recruited from Saks… and I’m not ashamed to say I’m competitive. I like to win. I can offer better pay, better working environment and stability. Plus, I wanna take market share from Saks, and this is the way to do it!!! ;). I’m
A little nervous though every time I introduce a new person to Mrs G and to be honest I feel
Like this SHOULD be the sign on our office door:

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I have to keep them protected from her crazy.

Tonight at work I receive a call from a junior’s associate because she would like permission to discount a dress for a customer due to a damaged button. I said yes, give her a 10% discount. Silence. Hello??? A small voice says.. “How do I figure out how much 10% is”.
Is this the new math???

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~P

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush..

What the hell does that mean??? No clue!!!! But it’s an old expression, yes???

Well, it’s the FIRST thing I thought of when I slid open the mall Doors this morning to open the store. And a big black bird flew in from the mall. There are a couple things about this that is weird. First, we ALWAYS get birds in the summertime and it FREAKS me out every single time. I hate birds. They scare me. I don’t know why. Maybe in a past life I was killed by one. Maybe in a past life i WAS one. Nonetheless, not a fan of birds. So, it was with a sinking heart that I slid open the doors to a big black bird flying right over my head. (Incidentally, I was always taught that a bird in the house is a harbinger of death. In much the same way as if you drop a knife, you’re going to get in a fight, and if you drop a fork that means company’s coming… Weird superstitions I know). Anyway, I decided to take that as a good omen rather than a bad and I said “we are going to have a great day!!” I shouldn’t have said that. Why did I put that out into the universe?? Why? My day deteriorated at an alarmingly rapid pace. It started with a woman I dealt with on Saturday who had a complaint about BCBG and wanted the district managers number. I researched it, called and gave it to her. She called back and wanted the regional managers number. Then, there were the 4 clients who never received their phone ordered packages via Fed Ex. They didn’t receive them because we never SENT them. I almost had a breakdown and wanted to scream at the shipping associate: “THERE IS NO FED EX FAIRY WHO WILL DO THIS FOR YOU!”! How do I explain to 4 people that we just didn’t send them out!? 8 days ago. Next lets talk about the 3 associate problems: 1 associate Swears the other needs anger management classes or she’s not going to stay and work. A different associate is crying because her co workers (all 30 years younger than she is ) went out for drinks and posted pictures (without her) on social media. Crying. Really. One associate is angry with his roommate and fears they will be evicted. Oh and in the middle of all of this.. We DO manage to sell a LITTLE makeup.

I ended my day with an irate man who couldn’t find or remember WHEN or WHERE he dropped off his suit jacket to be sent for alterations and berated me for not doing the alterations in store. (Look mister.. I don’t even OWN a sewing machine) and THEN… 20
Minutes AFTER the store Is closed.. A small family of 3 appears out of nowhere (mental note check bathrooms) and yell at ME because the entire mall closed at 6 and they had NO CLUE!! NO IDEA!!! and it’s MY fault!!! Of course it is. I looked at them and said “the mall called me. They asked what I thought and I said ‘close at 6 and don’t tell a soul!'” I shouldn’t have said that. Not very professional.

Ahhh, Sunday at the big D. You all know how I feel about THAT!! It’s like the black abyss of hell mixed with a full moon on Friday the 13th. The only thing that would have made today better were zombies and vampires!!! šŸ˜‚šŸ˜¹. Ah, well, tomorrow IS another day.. And I do work with MRS G tomorrow!!! Woo HOO!!

~P

Botox and My Laugh Lines

The Beauty Industry is my business; Makeup, skincare, the latest, greatest and most effective eye creams, face creams, serums… These are my bread and butter. We must know all the trends, what works and what doesn’t and sell these to women searching for the perfect balm for their skincare and makeup concerns. Some call us shallow. Some think we are stupid, and some (who work in the store) think that all we do is play with makeup all day!! Oh how fun!!! And it IS fun… But it’s a business. Some of the best and most successful women I know are beauty advisors.

We all know the “latest” trends include Botox and juviderm (DWG.. HUGE fan) and I KNEW it was going to be an interesting week when one of my BEST beauty advisors, Jason, came to me and said he was going to do an outsourcing event with a Doctor, at a hotel, with a group of women who were all promised free Botox and JUVIDERM injections!!! (I know, I know, it sounds like the plot of a bad porn movie) but I researched the event and let him go. Off he went, carrying his makeup train case, to step in and demo makeup looks to the “after” patients. The last thing he said to me is “maybe I’ll get a free injection or two!!” And I thought “dear sweet baby Jesus!! Please!! Don’t let him come back dead from a botched injection.” A mere 4 hours later I get a picture text from Jason (thank God He didn’t die) and he was so proud of his “new lips”. I have had experience with DWG’s injection days and I know that it takes 24 hours for the Botox to “settle” and that there is a certain amount of swelling to be expected. But, this. Well.

FF to the next day. I get to work and see Jason and from 50 paces I could tell that he was not only swollen, but that he could be very allergic due to the misshapen and crooked new shape of his lips! Is this a trend? Is it supposed to look like that??? What?? Uggg I hate it!! THEN!! THEN!!! I said “hello! How are you and how did it go?!” And as he opens his mouth to tell me.. He can’t talk. His lips are in the way. Not only does it look like the blimp landed on his lips.. It looks like he can’t communicate anything because he can’t get his lips to cooperate with his mouth. I can’t help it!! I start to lose control and laugh and laugh and laugh!! And he stomps his foot, put his hand on his hip and said.. “STOP IT!! I can’t LAUGH OR SMILE FOR 48 hours!! ENOUGH!!! Don’t make me laugh PENELOPE!!” (At least I THINK that’s what he said.. It was hard to hear through his lips).

And at that moment I remembered seeing the story in social media of the woman who didn’t smile or laugh for 40 years to avoid getting wrinkles and laugh lines. I read the article. I was HORRIFIED!!! I COULD NOT live like that!! How can you not laugh?? How can you not smile??! For 48 hours or 40 years… impossible!! The purpose of life is joy!!! I can’t imagine a day without laughter, a day without a smile…

It was at that moment, in my 38th year, that I decided to love my laugh lines, love my little crinkly wrinkles around my eyes and to see them as tiny reminders of every laugh, every memorable moment in my life. Fun times with my girlfriends, laughs shared with friends and family. Morning conversation coffee laughter… All of that. I now look at my face in a new light.. It’s a tiny road map of my journey in this life. I will celebrate those memories… And I will continue to laugh, to joke and to enjoy. With or without Botox.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

e e cummings

~P